


Holding Back

by AConcordo



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, One Shot, Pre-Sanvers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 05:57:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8566591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AConcordo/pseuds/AConcordo
Summary: She watched her walk away.She wanted to chase after her, but she couldn’t.“I’m sorry, Alex.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Maggie Sawyers is a detective. She's good at keeping masks on. Sometimes, that's good. Sometimes, that's bad.
> 
> This is what came to mind as I watched this scene. Hope you all enjoy.

 

It started slow.  

 

Unsuspecting.  

 

She kept things simple, always at arm’s length.  After all, there was no way she should hope for something more.  This was something new.  _She_ wanted to explore things with her, and despite all her previous experiences of pain, she said yes.

 

She ignored every fiber of her being, and she said yes.

 

In hindsight, she knew she shouldn’t have said yes. 

 

She knew she shouldn’t have taken the chance.

 

She knew she shouldn’t have opened up. 

 

She knew she shouldn’t have fallen. 

 

Granted, she didn’t expect to fall. 

 

She thought it would be simple.  Like the first time.  Get to know each other, have a few drinks, have a good time and see how things go. 

 

They started off _so_ strong.

 

Everything went _so_ well.

 

Fast forward a few weeks.  Suddenly, things weren’t good anymore. 

 

The text messages slowed.  The phone call all but stopped.

 

 _“You’re too hard.  You’re stubborn.  All you do is work.  I’m sorry.  I thought I could, but I was wrong.”_  

 

Her heart ached.  Everything hurt again. 

 

She drank to keep the sadness away, but it only fueled the flame and dulled her awareness. 

 

She tried to keep herself distracted.  It helped that she had a few friends, or at the very least, colleagues, who could keep her busy. 

 

Hours turned into days, which then turned into weeks.

 

It started getting better.

 

She found herself smiling again.

 

Then, _it_ happened.

 

_“Wow.”_

_“I have been wanting to do that.”_

_“Yeah, I can tell.”_

 

Almost immediately, the pain dissipated, covered by warmth and the stupid fuzziness that people liked to talk about. 

 

She couldn’t believe it.

 

There was a goofy smile on her face.  She could feel it.

 

Time slowed.

 

Paused.

 

She froze.

 

Peering into warm chocolatey eyes, she slowly learned back.

 

_“Was that not okay?”_

The concern, the insecurity, and all the unsuspecting emotions hit her like a tidal wave.  She struggled to keep the smile on her face now.

 

_“You didn’t do anything wrong.”_

_“But something is wrong.”_

_“Well…”_

Think of something.  Think of something.  Anything to keep things at arm’s length again.  Anything to avoid the pain.

 

_“We’re at really different places and... everything is changing for you and everything’s gonna feel very heightened and…”_

 

She paused to laugh, remembering how it first felt like.  Remembering the joy that came before the pain.

 

_“... shiny... and um... you should experience that for yourself. Not just to be with me.”_

She could feel her heartache returning.  The insecurity and fear forming in the chocolatey eyes before her.  She wanted to reach out.  To hold on.  To tell her it’s okay.

 

But she couldn’t.

 

_“... and... I shouldn’t get involved with somebody whose fresh off the boat.”_

She had to keep things the same between them.  She had to.

 

_“Those relationships never really work out.”_

There was still too much pain.  There was still too much fear.

 

She didn’t want that for her.  She didn’t want to drag her down. 

 

She didn’t want to lose her either.

_“I’m here for you… but, as a friend.”_

The words that followed became a blur.  All she could see and feel was the pain.  The ache.  She suddenly couldn’t tell if she had done the right thing.  If what she was feeling was hers and hers alone, or something that was shared in that moment.

 

She watched her walk away.

 

She wanted to chase after her, but she couldn’t.

_“I’m sorry, Alex.”_

She wasn’t quite strong enough yet. 


End file.
